Worthless Observations, coming your way….

You know how stand-up comedians work for years and if they’re lucky they make a living being on the road and living in a different city every weekend? The luckier ones get a pilot or two. Really lucky ones get a series. Extremely lucky ones get a sitcom that goes several seasons, and they make millions of dollars per season, like Jerry Seinfeld. Or sell out Madison Square Garden like Kevin Hart. Or both.

Guess what? It’s not luck. They busted their ass. Watch a documentary on what a comedian goes through.

It’s not all work. You have to actually be funny too. A friend who was a good all around athlete once asked me “What do you think is the hardest thing to do in sports?” I thought for a moment and said “Hitting a round ball with a round bat”. He said “No. If you have the bat, you have a chance. Pitcher throws the ball, you take a swing. You could get lucky.” He continued, “The hardest thing to do in sports is dunk a basketball. If you’re 5’9″ and can’t jump, there is no way in hell you’re dunking a basketball. There is not enough luck to help you”. And if you’re not funny, you can’t work hard enough to get to make a living being on the road and living in a different city every weekend, get a pilot or two, get a series, a sitcom that goes several seasons and make millions, like Jerry Seinfeld. Or sell out Madison Square Garden like Kevin Hart.

I’ve never given up on the idea that I am funny, despite a lot of argument to the contrary.

Here’s an aside – There will be a lot of these as ADHD seems to run in my…. anyway, Rod Beck was a relief pitcher, and at one point played for my beloved Chicago Cubs. It would be 74 degrees, and Rod would be sweating through his hat. He was not the most athletic athlete you ever saw… but when he was good he didn’t have to be, because he only had throw about 14 pitches. When he wasn’t good…. well, he wasn’t. And I’m not always funny. But as Jim Valvano said,

Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.

Jim didn’t, and I’d like to think Rod didn’t either. Although if Rod had given up the cocaine and heroin in his bedroom when he was found dead, he might still be with us.

About ten years ago, I wrote for a while. Blogs were all the trend. Things have changed. At the time, blogging still seemed like a step toward writing for a paper or magazine. My favorite columnist was Dave Barry. I also enjoyed Lewis Grizzard and Mike Royko, but their production really dropped off sometime in the 1990s.

While the opinions on my writing were generally that it was bad, I occasionally strayed as far up the scale as mediocre. So I think if I really give this a shot, consistent mediocrity might be within my grasp. The first time I didn’t listen to Jimmy V. This time… I will try to remember what he said.

Am I funny? My wife says I’m not nearly as funny as I think. But what I’ve learned is that women, for the most part, have no idea what’s actually funny. This is why women don’t like The Three Stooges. Is this a generalization? OBVIOUSLY!!!! But while I’m not going to try to be the second coming of Dice Clay, I’m also not going to be so PC that I can’t speak my mind.

Does anybody else remember when PC stood for Personal Computer? That was it’s default meaning. It’s only meaning. Now it means Politically Correct, by default. This makes me blarknard. Blarknard is a word I invented because I’d rather not say fucking insane in a public setting. So I submitted blarknard to urbandictionary.com. We’ll see if they pick it up, or I have to say fucking insane on the occasions mean fucking insane or if I can use blarknard, and not offend my mother.

Summing up:

  • I think I’m funny. I might or might not be, I’m going to give this a shot and your reactions will determine if I am.
  • I used to write. If I kept at it, maybe I’d be mediocre by now. Jimmy V said “Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.“. I did.
    • Jimmy V didn’t, but he died anyway.
    • Rod Beck was a pitcher. I’m not sure if he gave up or not. He died too, probably because drugs were involved. Not modern baseball drugs that enhance performance – cocaine and heroin, which I assume do not help you throw a baseball sixty feet and six inches.
  • I’m going to write more. I’m going to try to see if following Jimmy V’s advice helps.
    • Success is on my terms. It doesn’t mean I have to make money. A lot of people liking it would be fine.
      • I get to define what “A lot of people” is.

Stay tuned for my next post: The Holidays Really Make Me Blarknard.